Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
