im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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