so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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