what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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