Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
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No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
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$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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