I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
