p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
