I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
