it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Who wears a wallet chain?!
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
