You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
