Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Drunk is not a location!
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
