Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
