im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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