a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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