so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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