I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
