who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
