Nicole vs. Life
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
