I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
