I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
