..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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