why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
