literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
