Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
