this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
