I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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