dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
