that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
