I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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