my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Randomize
