I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
