Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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