I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize