apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
