i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
