Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize