Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
