btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
