God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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