You really coming over, don't trick.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
