Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
