Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
