i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
