He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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