I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize