At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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