Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
