i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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