nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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