I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
