mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize