he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize