Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
