What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
