I'm drive I can fine osifer
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
