I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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