I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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