Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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