Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
