Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
