I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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