how do flat chested girls get laid?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
