escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
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