This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
