dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
