i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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