We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
