I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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