So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Randomize
