Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
