You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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