i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I checked into jail on foursquare
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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